Narratives of Attachment, Danger and Survival

Why is it so difficult to leave toxic, hostile, or alienating relationships? Why stay when your physical or mental health is at risk? Attachment theory provides a strong basis for understanding the underlying reasons. This pivotal book sensitively explores a range of stultifying, abusive, and dangerous situations to highlight the dilemmas involved.

This edited collection includes contributions from Nancy Borrett, Charles Brown, Linda Cundy, Judy Davies, Cora Hart, Mary Kelly, Hyun Suk Lee, Zibiah Alfred Loakthar, Jacqueline Samuel, Joe Secrett, Ruthie Smith, and Maggie Turp.

The attachment imperative is at the heart of human nature; separation anxiety, loss, and bereavement are recognised as significant factors in distress, defences, and psychopathology. We need people in our lives to turn to for protection, comfort, and support, and these relationships – our relational environment – shape each of us. The groups we belong to equally contribute to our identities. As social, attachment-seeking animals, losing significant individuals, families, and social groups can be devastating. At its roots, attachment means survival.

Yet, sometimes, we find ourselves in situations within relationships of different kinds that have become unbearable. The agonising decision of whether to stay in a familiar reality or to break away strains the attachment system and internal resources. This is especially the case when living with trauma; rather than choose flight or fight, we choose freeze.

These chapters explore the challenges of leaving situations, environments, and relationships that have moulded identities but have become constricting, suffocating, alienating, or dangerous. In some cases, this entails breaking free from coercive control, abuse, or violence. The internal conflict between remaining or detaching oneself and leaving – or escaping – are examined. What does it take to make the decision to leave behind all that is familiar? To strike out alone, gambling on finding ‘the comfort of strangers’? What is lost, and hopefully gained? Why is there so often the magnetic pull to return to the unsatisfying or toxic relational environment? And what helps to break these unseen chains?

This inspiring collection of stories, brought together and beautifully curated by Linda Cundy, are ideal reading for professionals working with those in such situations, for individuals living with simliar experiences, or those endeavouring to support loved ones from the sidelines.