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The Simple Guide to Emotional Neglect: What It Is and How to Help

Author(s) : Betsy de Thierry, Illustrator : Emma Reeves

Table of Contents

Foreword by Dr Karen Treisman
Introduction

1. An Introduction to Emotional Neglect
How our brains are built
The continuum of emotional neglect
Emotional trauma
The experience of emotional neglect
We aren’t shaming and blaming – but we are acknowledging the impact
What is ‘good enough’?
What kind of specific experiences could be emotionally neglectful?
The child being seen and heard
What do children need from their parents?
The need to provide emotional availability for children and teens
Emotional neglect occurs across all socio-economic family backgrounds
Generational emotional trauma zig zag
Reflection points

2. The General Impact of Emotional Neglect
The impact of not having a secure attachment
The impact in adulthood
The impact of lack of soothing
The distress of relationships that have insecure foundations
The impact of the lack of ‘enough’ emotional attunement
The impact of emotionally shut down parents
The impact of the child worrying about their parent
Possible consequences of not enough emotional connection from parents
My formal description of the neurobiological impact of emotional neglect
Reflection points

3. The Impact of Emotional Neglect on Relationships
Being invisible
Not being a person, not taking up space
Being responsible for too much
Not feeling a sense of belonging
Not able to be self-regulated
Being the scapegoat
Over-achieving or compliance to find acceptance
Independent and self-sufficient
Intimacy and sex
Needing attention
Reflection points

4. The Impact of Emotional Neglect on the Emotions
Emotional regulation
Anger and defensiveness
Terror and powerlessness
Dissociation
Depression or feeling tired
Shame
Reflection points

5. The Impact on the Body and Brain
The impact of touch
Sensory sensitivity
Movement
Food and eating
Dissociation
Stress for a baby
Addiction
Hypervigilance
Challenges in communication
Conclusion
Reflection points

6. The Impact on the Sense of Self and Identity
Voicelessness
Social context
Not knowing what you are good at
The mess of the inner self
Feelings of low self-esteem
How to help a child develop a healthy sense of self
Reflection points

7. What Does the Recovery Journey Look Like?
Psychoeducation and modelling externalization
Relationships and trust
Changing self-neglect into self-nurture
Noticing negative core beliefs
Noticing the body sensations and movement
Exploring safety
Conclusion
Reflection points

8. Activities to Help an Emotionally Neglected Child Heal
Strengthening the corpus callosum
Self-soothing activities
Vestibular practice
Relationship strengthening
Communication of emotion

Appendix: Some Legal and Official Definitions of Emotional Neglect
Glossary